Heya, visitor! So tell me...you wanna have some fun? Yeah? Yeah, I'm sure you do. Anyway, let me explain who I am before we get to the fun part. I am destruction. I am death. I am the End of All, and when I destroy Pher and all order in the world along with her, society will collapse and all Neopets will degenerate into madness and violence and destroy each other and the world. Millions of voices will call out for salvation, for order, for something to listen to their cries, but nothing will come, for there will be nothing there to listen, and in their desperation, they will turn to whatever it takes to free their minds from the desolation and despair surrounding them and preying on their souls at every turn...
And it'll be the most entertaining thing that's happened in forever. Anyway, the name's Xinonix, Incarnation of Chaos, Mistress of Destruction, the End of Reality, Death Incarnate...I have many names. But we're friends, so you can call me Xi. I'm an Incarnation, and one of the most powerful ones out there at that. Like, nothing like the cute little Totem Hissies or minor embodiments of things like love and space and time and all that weak stuff. I'm one of the REAL Incarnations, the ones who embody major cosmic concepts and are deeply involved with the beginning and end of the universe. Let's review the lore, shall we, just for background. I'll paraphrase to keep things interesting, because ancient texts are all super-boring. Anyway, she made me and Pher to balance each other out, so that things weren't totally ordered and nobody could ever have anything and things weren't totally chaotic and nobody would ever get anything done or survive (not that I see a problem with that) and so that stuff that was created could be destroyed.
In the beginning, there was nothing. Well, I guess there was Bi, but seeing as she is literally nothing, I'm just gonna say that there was nothing. Not in the sense that there "was nothing" meaning that there wasn't anything, but in the sense that there was...nothing. Like, a palpable, full on Incarnation of nothingness. Anyway, Bicolored got bored, or something, and decided that stuff existing would be nice, I can agree with her on that, stuff existing is pretty cool because you can't destroy stuff that isn't there, and created me and Pher out of...something. I'm not sure how you get something from nothing, that goes against the whole concept of how stuff works, but Bi is an all-powerful Incarnation and predates the universe itself, she can do what she wants. And so, it was, and Pher decided to create Neopia, and after Pher created living things like humans and Neopets and other stuff, I gave y'all a spark of chaos allowing you ungrateful sentient beings to do things like use magic and have souls and free will and emotions and stuff. And yet somehow, when you wrote your myths, you decided that I was evil because you were scared of the end of the world or something stupid like that. I should point out, you wouldn't even have the capacity for fear without me! You're welcome.
Anyway, Pher and I disliked each other from the get-go, and for a good reason: Bi, that tricky sector of nothing, had decided that as part of us balancing each other out, we were in charge of managing the universe, keeping everything just chaotic enough...BO-RING! But I need to keep up the balance until it's time for me to have my Ultimate Apocalypse Party of DOOM, or I'll cease to exist, which wouldn't be much fun. I'm not gonna bore you with the whole seas-turning-to-blood and massive shadow Hissies blotting out the sun (that's me!) stuff, but basically, one day, after a bunch of stuff goes wrong in the universe (and I'm not allowed to artificially hasten this), Bi's gonna have enough of it and want to make a new one, so she told me that Pher was my enemy and that I should constantly seek her out and fight her. Right now, we're equally matched and tend to leave each other alone, but when Bi gets tired of the universe, she's gonna depower Pher so I can take her and absorb her into myself, and when I do, all order in the universe will end, including the natural order which keeps nature working and people sane and the moon from falling and all that good stuff. Once the natural order falls, Bi will wait for a thousand years, which is like a split second to her, for living things to all go insane and destroy each other, suns to explode, me to go around causing chaos, and all that fun stuff, then she'll obliterate everything except me and Pher and start over.
You know what the problem with prophesied cosmic things is? They always take longer than you expect. I've been waiting since the beginning of the universe for Bi to get tired of it and nothing! At this rate, everybody's gonna be dead before I get to have any fun! So logically, I decided that I needed something to entertain me for the meantime, which is how I got into a state where I can tell you this. So, anyway, a while back, I was tracking Pher with my super-awesome cosmic powers and found her in Neopia. I figured she was doing her whole Oracle of the Obelisk stint, but I was bored enough to check and see what she was doing. And you know where I found her? Bonded to a Neopet, giving her magical power and guidance like a common spirit. It was hilarious. However, then I had an idea. What if this was how Bi had depowered Pher and was signaling me that it was time to pull the kil.l switch? I figured I'd check, and try to pull both of their switches, heh. After all, getting rid of Pher's cute little Neopet friend might depress her enough to get things back on a more interesting level so she'd stop playing nice and being boring as usual. So I approached, showcasing my full power, a shadowy abomination wreathed in harsh, constantly shifting light, the glow of infinite chaotic power, and approached Pher's Neopet, ready to announce my presence, the Neopet readied its staff, expecting its Incarnation guardian to defend it against whatever the approaching wraith was.
"Hey! Are you in the Beauty Contest this week? What do you think of my entry?" It had the gall to attempt to talk to me.
"You fool, I am an Incarnation. I possess no interest in things of Neopia, including your frivolous contests." I intoned, in the combined voices of thousands of tortured souls.
"Oh, that's too bad, you look really cool and I think you'd do really well with the right advertisement behind you."
"Cool? You think I look 'cool'? I am beyond all your mortal senses. Now move along or I'll be forced to obliterate you."
"Heh, you remind me of El. Don't tell Ellendale I called her that, by the way. Do you have an owner? Alli's been looking for a Wraith Hissi so you can stay with us if you want."
"You mistake me for a mere Neopet? I am Xinonix, Incarnation of Chaos, the End of All! I will rend reality into destruction and anarchy and you mistake me for a Neopet? You will most surely die for this, you insolent mortal!"
"So can I call you Xi?"
"No, you can not. Not that I don't allow you to, just that whatever's left of you once I finish isn't going to be capable of speech."
I was readying a chaos bolt to smite the Neopet for its ignorance when I had an epiphany. Even if Pher hadn't been depowered, if she's bonded to a Neopet, she's donating some of her power so I can probably take her when she's off her guard. And if I transformed myself into a Neopet and befriended her little pet, she'd lose her wariness of me, allowing me to destroy her and get to the fun part of my job faster. Plus, I could still send the world towards chaos in a subtle way as a Neopet, but not any level which would get Bi to notice and revoke my existence card. The more I contemplated the idea of staying with Pher's Neopet, the more I liked it. I'm so glad I thought of it. I transformed in a split second into a Neopet form I thought would appear non-threatening, with perceptual filters active so the Neopet's little mind would assume I was in this form the whole time we were conversing, if you can call it that.
"Actually, I've changed my mind. Staying with you and entering the Beauty Contest sounds...fun. Don't worry about my hands glowing. That's just...a Faerie ability. Yeah. Just...testing my abilities...for the Battledome...where I'll battle...other completely normal Neopets...like myself."
"Cool! Alli's gonna be thrilled!"
It turns out that staying with Pher's Neopet was as fun as I pretended it would be, perhaps more so. I bonded with it over time, apparently her name is Go and she's a student studying magic with the Order of the Red Erisim. She decided to become my friend, indicating that my chaotic and daring attitude combined with my magical powers was "cool". This may not be the cosmic chaos I planned to cause, but it is entertaining, and with my new friend's pitifully short lifespan, I can just wait until she dies before I get back to accelerating the apocalypse.
I must admit that these depictions of me courtesy of the "Alli" who keeps Go and the other irrelevant entities who she claims relation to fed and sane pale in comparison to temple sacrifices and forbidden rituals in the dead of a moonless night, but it is still nice to be recognized. Drag them to your address bar for full size.
They're not quite as fun as dark rituals in the dead of moonless nights involving poor, innocent Petpets, pentagrams, and peanut butter, but art requests are also nice. If you want to worship me (and why wouldn't you), contact Alli with your overdue offering.
Apparently it's a rite of passage among Go and her nominal relatives to describe your viewpoint on reality and the beautiful, endlessly complex chaos within your mind as five dimensions and some basic statistics. It's utterly idiotic, but Go convinced me to do it, so here it is.